on believing

Sometimes, I think people don’t see the real me. When they said that I am good at certain things. Or I can do this and that.

But in the other hand, I think it’s just me who don’t know my potential or don’t believe in things I can do

But people won’t say anything unless they know you, they can see what are you doing.

What to do
What to do
What to do


2,4 decades.



This is going to be a not-so-long self-talk-contemplating-mode post. I’ve warned you~

Enjoying the last bit of being alone (sat on the back porch, stare at the wall for the past hours while writing this) on this much anticipated 4th of Oct by doing some mental sorting to all things going in my head and everything happening around me.

Acknowledging that being 24 (though I don’t celebrate birthday but let’s just mark this date as contemplating day, just to remember it easier) has so many implications and demands, yet the (unknown) future looks so awzum.

Few days ago, I asked to beloved netizen, “what does it mean to be “dewasa”?”.

The answers struck me. Hard.

That feeling when you think you aren’t somewhere near that definition. But then it also mean that I know myself and my current position, thus it should help me to work toward my own definition of being “mature enough”. I guess I’ll need some time jolting all indicators of being mature into concrete and workable plan. Let’s hope it works this time.

And that should be a reminder that good thing takes time, that life is forever learning experience, that efforts and prayers should come in a package.

Feel a little bit, umm melancholic (?) or sentimental (?) for no apparent reason today. Realized that soooo many things are about to change AND I CAN’T HARDLY WAIT. Remember the crazy-anxious-happy-yet-‘deg-degan” of going to theme park and trying that crazy roller coaster ride? Yeah it’s scare you (a bit) but the excitement beats everything.

And anyway, cheers to #theINNfinity (no I haven’t confirmed that hashtag with him) (I just feel like use that) (subject to revision)




Breaking a Fast: One Beautiful Promise

This is our love for love

Our love for the Almighty

Our love for the Hereafter

Our love for the Propbet Muhammad (PBUH) and his families


This is us

Once again

Trying to be the best version of ourselves


Things got awry once

And we managed to drift away from the storm

Things got jumble once

And we managed to sort things our

Put everything into its place

We’ve been through hills and valleys

We’ve screamed against the waves

Crushing the cliffs beneath us


Now the sea is calm

It’s time to lift up the sail


Time to run

To collect every pieces our hands and whole hearts can keep

To collect every golden ticket to reach Jannah

Side by side


Don’t forget

We have a promise to break our fast, together


Thank You is in Order.

We, you and me, are humans made from layers of experiences. One time, last year, we realize our layers start to intertwine. Here we are.

15 months later and we are able to sort things out based on priorities, what we want to be, what kick us in the morning, what relaxed us, what we like about each other, and what need to be improved.

I love the idea of us. I love our imperfections and the sound of ‘click’ when the gyrus and sulcus meet (that is the hills and gorges of the brain, or in other words, our ups and downs.)

I easily laughed when you joke around only to bring back the smile. I get ‘gemash’ (in a good way) when you are being ‘receh’. I am lost of words when you are being cheezy, that despite my limited words, my heart flattered.

Cannot thank you enough, dear.
I cannot.

Thank you for sticking around, B. Looking forward for infinity beyond with you.


Rasanya, baru kemarin

Rupanya, sudah berbulan

Rasanya, ‘itu bulan lalu kan?’

Rupanya, bahkan roti yang kau beli kemarin masih utuh di lemari es

Rasanya, masih lama

Rupanya, tiba-tiba ia sudah disini


Waktu itu untuk dirasa

Agar bisa melihat rupa